


Complex

by naasad



Category: Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Disney, Dysphoria, Gen, Hurt/Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-11
Updated: 2018-10-11
Packaged: 2019-07-29 10:41:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16262543
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/naasad/pseuds/naasad
Summary: Jehan has never been a she - a he, a they, a fae, yes - but never a she so far.





	Complex

**Author's Note:**

> This was written as me working through my own gender freak-out this morning (refer to [my tumblr](grumpymurdernerd.tumblr.com) for details). It was... not fun, but fiction gave me the distance I needed to figure it all out, and I'm feeling much more like myself now. Anyway, gender is an infinitely complex structure, so things like this can happen. <3 The important thing is to surround yourself with trusted friends who can help you through it. Luckily, all my friends are the best.

"What's wrong?" Courfeyrac asked, immediately awake and grateful he'd picked up.

Jehan's hyperventilating breaths could be heard clearly across the line. "I'm not myself. I don't - I'm he or they or fae, I'm never, ever she, except for today I am. I don't know what's going on."

"Do you want me to come over?"

Jehan was silent for a moment. "Yes," she sobbed eventually. "But don't hug me. My chest is - It's - it's wrong."

Courfeyrac swung his legs to the floor, tugging on pants and socks and shoes in record time. "I'm on my way."

"Don't hang up."

"Not on your life." Courfeyrac bolted down the street to his friend's apartment complex, muttering some incomprehensible mix of hopefully calming platitudes into the phone as he ran. "I'm here," he gasped, grateful she lived so close.

"It's unlocked."

Courfeyrac shouldered the door open to find Jehan curled on her floral couch, her head in her hands and phone on the arm. He quickly threw a blanket over her shoulders, then knelt in front of her, taking her hands in his. "Is this okay?"

Jehan nodded, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"You are you," Courfeyrac started, but before he could finish, she was shaking her head vehemently.

"I'm not! Everything's wrong, except it's correct, which is more wrong! I'm so scared, Fey..."

"Okay. Okay, I'm here for you. What can I do?"

"Stay," Jehan sniffled. "And call me she, even if I flinch, because even though it's wrong, it's less wrong than anything else."

Courfeyrac pressed a kiss to the back of her hand. "Do you want me to tell everyone else what's going on, so they leave us alone?"

Jehan nodded.

"Would it help if I told you that you're a very pretty she?"

Jehan snorted a laugh. "Fuck you, I'm always very pretty."

"That's true." Courfeyrac grinned and sat down on the couch next to her, shooting off a quick text to the group chat. "Disney marathon?"

Jehan nodded and pressed her face into his shoulder, murmuring, "Can we just watch Mulan over and over again until our eyeballs roll out of their sockets?"

Courfeyrac kissed the top of her head. "Of course we can, Pri - General."

Jehan smiled sadly and nuzzled his arm. "Thank you. I love you."

"Love you, too, even when you're not feeling like you."


End file.
